Here’s a secret about Oklahoma City that I wonder if the New York Times and other national news outlets could ever pick up on while they cover the horrible aftermath of the May 20 tornado in Moore, Okla.: It’s a big place out there.

Oklahoma City encompasses more than 600 square miles in all, including the little burbs and towns that overlap and intersect with it. There are parts of town and sides of town — and with those descriptions come all the standard American psychic and actual boundaries of sentimentality, loyalty, school districts, train tracks, rivers, interstates, race, class, tax assessments. These distinctions fall completely away in times of need and disaster, especially tornadoes. People care and people help. But those boundaries are patched up and reconstructed when it’s over, like everything else.

I was born and raised on the far northwest side of town — Lake Hefner, Warr Acres, the Village, Nichols Hills, “Fridayland.” There is nothing topographically or meteorologically different from my side of town and the Moore side of town (23 miles apart) except for the inexplicable fortune of near-misses on my side of town. In my childhood of tornado sirens and wild storms, the only loss I ever personally witnessed was part of the back fence, some trees, some windshields. Why must Moore suffer so? It’s the very definition of random misfortune. It’s cruel.

Another secret, more secret than the first, especially on days like today: Tornadoes can be enthralling; right up until the moment they aren’t. Tornado drills  in grade school (tucking ourselves into protective little crouches in dark hallways); sirens blaring; standing out on your front lawn watching the air around you turn green as the wall cloud races across your horizon; the urgent drawl of TV weathermen saving everyone’s lives by telling them to get back inside. It’s adrenalin-laced fun and don’t let Jim Cantore and an entire army of self-deputized, storm-chasing cowboys tell you otherwise. (There’s only so much science to admire and pursue; the rest is sport.)

I own five prints of paintings by John Brosio, whose work includes a lot of midwest tornadoes. In some of the paintings, people are either oblivious to them or just carrying on with their lives. What Brosio captures in these works is both terrifying and gorgeous and, to varying degrees, imaginary. It’s a complete disconnect from tragedy and yet it gets at the darkness. (Pictured above: “Scouring” (c) John Brosio. I own a print of this, which hangs in my office. I wish I could afford to buy one of his actual paintings; I think J.J. Abrams bought them all.)

Where I come from, tornadoes are a key part of personal biography and family history. Measuring the relative danger by instinct and nothing else, my mother would invite anyone who wanted to come along to get in our 1977 station wagon and look for the tornado. Going farther back, she remembers getting in her father’s little airplane to fly up to Woodward, the day after the devastating tornado of 1947, to see if her grandma, uncles, aunts and all the cousins were still alive. They flew in circles over the Schneider family wheat farms. They saw one of the Schneider houses, damaged but intact, caddywhompus, twisted off its foundation, Dorothy-style. There was no sign of life. They flew in low. To my grandfather’s utter relief, his siblings and their children came running out of the house, waving to him. Everyone was OK.

I was at a church youth group meeting on a Sunday night in the late spring of 1984 when our side of town went under a tornado watch and then a full-on warning. The lights went out. The sirens went off. We laughed and told jokes but one girl cried so hard she started hyperventilating. Even then it was enthralling, but listening to her sobs, I finally registered my own fear.

It missed us. It skipped and stuttered and hit somebody else’s particular piece of Oklahoma. It always missed us, but no matter what side of town you live on, you live with the idea that the odds are what they are, and you’re no better (or better protected) than anyone else.

Donate to the Red Cross now.

(Oklahoman front page via the Newseum’s daily front-pages display.)

I want my …

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I am the worst blogger in the world, I know.

But I return with some news and an exciting event to pimp, er, promote: I’ll be moderating a discussion with original MTV veejays Nina Blackwood and Mark Goodman at the Gaithersburg Book Festival on Saturday, May 18, at 2:15 p.m. Nina and Mark are promoting their new memoir (co-written with Alan Hunter and Martha Quinn), VJ: The Unplugged Adventures of MTV’s First Wave. I will be peppering them with questions and opening it up to the audience for more.

I couldn’t be more thrilled; I worshiped these people from just about the beginning. When MTV started in 1981, I would only babysit for people who had cable. Our street got cable in 1982 just as I started high school and, well, look at me now. (Hey, you know what? I’ve written about all this more than once. Here’s a piece I did when MTV turned 25, back in 2006.)

So I welcome the veejays with, as Journey would have said, open arms – and I hope to see you all there. Come on out, it’s free.

(Hey, teen Okies of the ’80s: Who remembers when Alan Hunter came to the  Sound Warehouse on May Avenue in 1983 or so for some sort of contest with … was it John Cougar? ZZ Top? What was the deal? I only remember waiting for hours and then giving up and going to the mall instead — it was a rabid mob. Or did I hallucinate the entire thing?)

Time for another Tonsil blog book giveaway. This one is a real jackpot — the first three responders will get a package of three new books written by friends o’ mine. You’re not competing for individual titles; winners will get all three. (You don’t want all three? Look, these aren’t lima beans I’m servin’ here. You’ll get three delicious books — and perhaps the pleasure of re-gifting one or two of them out to a wider, literate world.) See instructions below. To win, you must send an email, not leave a comment to this blog post.

First up: Jujitsu Rabbi and the Godless Blonde, a funny and smartly written young-woman-in-the-big-city memoir by Rebecca Dana.

It’s the story of how Rebecca moved to the big city, reached for all the brass rings, and after a time ran smack into her own hubris. Loveless and roofless, she answers a roommate ad and moves in with Cosmo, an Orthodox rabbi who’s also on the verge of a life change. This book has been featured on the “Today” show and everyhere-elsewhere, and look, here’s Rebecca talking about it to VanityFair.com.

Clearly Rebecca (a former star intern of the Style section, many moons ago) doesn’t need my help at all in the PR department, but two other writers very near and dear to me DO, and that’s why I’ve bundled their books with Rebecca’s, in hopes of just a tiny bit of SEO mojo. The next two books are self-published, which used to be a pejorative description, and now, well, who can say what the best way is to reach the most readers? It’s no longer about putting the horse before the cart. It’s about driving a car there instead.

* * *

So, next up: A former editor of mine from Austin days, Anne Rodgers, with Dr. Maureen Whelihan, has come out with a landmark survey of the sexual history of everyday women. The book is called Kiss and Tell: Secrets of Sexual Desire from Women 15 to 97.

Culled from surveys of 1,300 of Dr. Whelihan’s patients in Florida, the women featured in these in-depth interviews (who’ve been granted pseudonymity) represent every decade, starting with teens, and on up through the 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s … all the way up the 90s.

What turned them on? How did they learn about sex? What have they figured out about it? What do they enjoy? What do they regret?

Here’s what novelist Sarah Bird says about Kiss and Tell, in a blurb for the book:

“Kiss and Tell does what no other book on the subject of sex has done; it sits you down at the kitchen table with real women of all ages as they tell you their stories — of their first times, their secret desires, what they wish their partners would do, or not do, or do again. …”

And here’s just some of what Tinsel author Hank Stuever had to say about it:

“As a journalist and writer obsessed by everyday American lifestyles, I’ve always wanted to know more about the two biggies you’re never supposed to ask about: money and sex. … [Kiss and Tell has] uncorked fascinating anecdotes from the epic, lifelong story of female sexual experiences. [It's] a surprising, heartfelt and valuable book. …”

What I didn’t say in my blurb: Kiss and Tell is exactly the sort of book I always hoped to run into when I used to babysit in people’s houses as a teenager and do some lite snooping. What better endorsement is there than that?

* * *

And last and so totally not least, we have Spike Gillespie’s The Maine Event, a travelogue/memoir of Spike and her partner Warren’s trip to Maine. This book is a delightful little madcap adventure.

But, Spike being Spike, it’s so much more than that. This is a book for people who seek the calm and the Zen in all situations and yet always find themselves needing to speak to a supervisor, if you know what I mean. One of the pleasures of knowing (and reading) Spike all these years is to follow her journey back and forth from hilarious hothead to Earth mother.

I loved The Maine Event weeks before I read it, when Spike launched a Kickstarter drive to fund the book. I wonder if that’s really the new publishing model? Pitch a book to us and if we’re dying to read it, we’ll pony up.

So, now you know. I of course urge you to seek out these books and spread the word. And BUY them. But, as an enticement, here’s how to win these three very different but excellent books absolutely FREE: E-mail me at hank [at] this website [dot] com. First three responders get the whole enchilada, mailed to you via the U.S. Postal Service. Go for it. UPDATE — 2/19/13, 6:45 p.m. EST: ALL GONE!

Toob

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Sorry to have made it seem that I once again abandoned this blog. After I left Montana, I was on the road for 37-38 days (depending on how you add it up), with a lot of stops along the way. I’m back in D.C. now.

While criss-crossing America, I also went back to my job as TV critic at The Washington Post, filing a heap of TV reviews from hither and yon, mostly yon.

I’m getting ready to authorize a redesign of HankStuever.com, which will include (I hope) a place for visitors to catch up on my latest reviews. There is, of course, already an easy way to do that, on my bio/archive page at the Post. Click here. You can read recent reviews of “The Americans,” the end of “30 Rock,” “House of Cards,” the inauguration, the Golden Globes, “The Following,” “Enlightened” and more …

Coming soon: Random thoughts from the road trip and a BIG book giveaway. Don’t feel neglected.

Monica Hesse and Dan Zak’s 2013 edition of The Washington Post’s annual List is out, and it’s a good one.

This is the 35th year that the Style section has put out an “in/out” List, a tradition begun by Nina Hyde and Jura Koncius in 1978. It was my great pleasure (and huge headache) to pen The List in 2000 and then from 2003-2009. It is my greater pleasure that Dan and Monica are now in charge of doing it. Like anything worthwhile, it’s much harder than it looks.

And now, The List: A Mockumentary, which not only explains the storied tradition of this New Year’s feature, it also gives you a chance to bask in the Dan-ness and Monica-ness of it all. (Unfortunate Skype cameo by yours truly halfway in …)

Cheers, everyone. Here’s to 2013. My goal for this year is to get everyone to call it TWENTY THIRTEEN instead of the dopey two-thousand-thirteen.

Thank you

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My semester as the T. Anthony Pollner professor at the University of Montana’s School of Journalism has been one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. (Yes, ever.) Thank you students, faculty, Kaimin staff and especially Carol Van Valkenburg. And, miles away but often in our thoughts, Alice Thorpe, Ben Pollner and friends and family of Anthony Pollner.

I’m off. The shortest way back to D.C. is obviously west to Seattle then down to Oregon, then California, then New Mexico, then Kansas, then Texas. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all.

Reading is the only way to learn how to write. I kept pushing this point all semester and I certainly assigned a lot of readings. This being college, and these being college students, we operate with this wonderful notion that everyone has the time and desire to read it all.

But anyone who ever went to college knows that’s not true. Although I “loved to read” as a teenager and college student, I didn’t truly get busy reading until after I left college. At about age 22 or 23, I suddenly wanted to read everything, especially longform feature writing, nonfiction books, cultural criticism and serious magazines and newspapers. I started reading not only for content, but to study the craftsmanship.

It’s a habit, like exercise. Wondering why a particular writer seems to have so many ideas and great stories in him is like wondering why someone has six-pack abs. (Sorry for this sorta macho metaphor.) People with beautiful bodies make it look easy, because the rest of us don’t get up every single morning and see them working out for hours and hours. People with beautiful words in them are working out, too, when they read. Last week’s New Yorker is basically 100 stomach crunches or a series of stretches, just a warm-up to our real regimen. Reading is regarded by most as a leisure activity, but it isn’t — or not only. It takes the same sort of discipline as exercise. It requires the same amount of effort.

There are several articles I wanted us to read as a group in the class that we just never got around to. (I always knew we’d never get to all of it.) When I tweaked the final two weeks of class and altered the final story assignment, I abandoned quite a few examples of pop-culture narrative, especially the longer stuff.

So here’s a list. You might not ever get around to it. Many years may go by, and, in a nostalgic twitch, you’ll return here for these links. They’ll be here.

My biggest regret is that we didn’t get to do the fraught genre of Celebrity Profiles. I was going to start with two classics …

“Frank Sinatra Has a Cold,” by Gay Talese in the April 1966 issue of Esquire, which has been studied and autopsied time and again.

• Pair this with “Do You Sleep in the Nude?,” a profile of Ava Gardner by Rex Reed, also from Esquire. (Not online, that I can find, but reprinted here in The New Journalism.)

For the sake of discussion, I wanted to contrast that with a couple of celebrity profiles from the current day that provoked a lot of debate about the genre, including self-indulgent writing, breaking conventional formats, crossing ethical boundaries, jealous writers, “girly” journalism and whatnot:

“American Marvel,” Edith Zimmerman’s profile of actor Chris Evans from GQ in 2011.

The Full Tatum,” Jessica Pressler’s profile of Channing Tatum, also from GQ in 2011.

… and I was also going to ask the Jour494 students to fan out into the world and bring back a celebrity profile from the current crop and dissect it, looking for how it was assembled and where (or if) any journalistic compromises seem to have been made.

Some other readings we never got to:

• Maureen Tkacik’s 2011 takedown essay about Steve Jobs. This remarkable, measuredly brutal essay ran during a wave of hagiographic obituaries after Jobs’s death. It also gives us a lot to think about, argue about, and consider –not only about Jobs, but about our tech-consumer culture.

• I wanted us to read Dan Kois’s 2012 New York Times Magazine profile/story about Lynda Barry’s writing workshops, mostly for the pure pleasure of it.

• I wanted us to read a couple of Chris Jones (former Pollner prof, Esquire writer) articles: One, a gorgeous 201o profile of Roger Ebert, and the other, also from 2010, was a mysterious case of a man who won The Price is Right’s Showcase showdown with a correct (to the exact dollar) bid, which had never happened before.

• Another casualty of time and syllabus space: A 2012 story in Rolling Stone by Josh Eells, The Secret Life of Tom Gabel.

• Most college students have read (or were asked to read) journalist Barbara Ehrenreich‘s Nickel and Dimed. (If you haven’t read it, please do. One of our era’s finest works of immersion journalism.) I wanted us to read her essay on the pink-ribbon cancer culture industry, “Smile or Die: The Bright Side of Cancer.” You can read the original Harper’s magazine version of it here. I recommend her book Bright-Sided: How Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America. (I would add: “and Journalism,” so we could talk about the uses of skepticism in this relentlessly upbeat, big-hugs, magical-thinking age.)

• Jake Silverstein’s book, Nothing Happened and Then It Did, is something I’d like to give anyone starting out on his or her first journalism job. It’s a strange book, in that it reprints some of Jake’s longform nonfiction for magazines and alternates with fictional chapters about a “Jake Silverstein,” a young journalist in pursuit of big stories in the west Texas wastelands. I would much rather that young journos with wandering hearts and an appetite for adventure read this instead of Hunter S. Thompson.

• We were supposed to read Washington Post music critic Chris Richards’s page 1 tale of the hunt to find the ruins of George Clinton and Parliament-Funkadelic’s missing “Mothership,” rumored to be buried in the kudzu jungles of suburban Maryland.

• I also wanted us to read Michael Kruse’s piece about a woman who died in her garage and whose body went undiscovered for a long time, even after the house went into foreclosure. The pop-culture angle here is difficult to determine, but I wanted us to examine the power in the details of the things we own and keep in our homes. Once you’ve read it, you really must read this.

• There’s something fun and startling about “Eating Beef Jerky at the Bodies Exhibit,” written in 2010 by Trent Moorman of The Stranger. I wanted to incorporate this piece somewhere between our talks about criticism and scene stories.

Tony Earley’s 1998 Harper’s essay, “Somehow Form a Family,” about a childhood spent watching television (“The Brady Bunch” especially), almost made our reading assignments during the personal-essay stage. Here’s a link to the book version.

• It probably wouldn’t have been a huge hit in class, but someday check out Rebecca Brown’s “Hawthorne,” an essay about Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys, from her book American Romances.

• I had picked out the first chapter of Joshua Gamson’s “The Fabulous Sylvester,” a biography of the late, gender-bending disco singer of the ’70s/’80s. Just read the first 13 pages, “Get Ready for Me” — an amazing act of setting scene and character while describing a whole other world, in this case, that of South Central Los Angeles teenagers of the 1960s.

Also:

• More Susan Orlean — including her profile of schlock painter Thomas Kinkade. Just go ahead and get yourself a copy of The Bullfighter Checks Her Makeup.

• A little more Joan Didion — pictured above in her everyday guise, smoking next to her Corvette — including the title essay from The White Album.

• Take a look at David Samuels’s magazine stories in his collection Only Love Can Break Your Heart. Likewise, check out Nathan Rabin’s The Big Rewind: A Memoir Brought to You by Pop Culture.

• I had flagged a couple of chapters to share from Tom Bissell’s Extra Lives: Why Video Games Matter.

• Don’t forget Henry Allen: Going Too Far Enough (collected essays from the Washington Post) and What It Felt Like (an epic 10-part essay on the 20th century).

Also don’t forget everything else ever written. Get busy. There will be a quiz, and it will be given by everyone in the writing business who thinks they’re smarter than you.

PS: If you want to share thoughts about books, I’m on Goodreads.

We were up before dawn on Thursday to meet one last time for a group critique of the final stories. The professor worked hard not to get verklempt, but that got exponentially more difficult when he was presented with this amazing poster (above), a gift from the class, designed by Carli Krueger.

It’s a graphic of our big round classroom table in room 301. I’m the gray dot at the center. The dots around the table are the 17 students in Jour494, represented by a color that might or might not have meaning or relate to something that student wrote about for this class — I’ve deciphered quite a few: Pretty in Pink, The O.C., Avatar, orange earplugs, black metal, etc. I will treasure this poster, and the semester we had together, forever. Thank you Carli (the pink dot) and everyone else (counter-clockwise): Allison Bye, Caitlyn Walsh, Dustin Askim, Heather Jurva, Patrick Record, Erik Anderson, Candace Rojo, Billie Loewen, Brooks Johnson, Eben Wragge-Keller, H. Neil Sauer, Cody Blum, Ashley Oppel, Tom Holm, Levi Hunt and Donelle Weston. I’ll miss you terribly.

This was a class about writing deeply and interestingly about the ways we live and absorb popular culture. Originally, the final paper was meant to be a deep narrative or profile, about 3,000-words long, of someone creating and/or consuming a kind of popular culture.

But, as time closed in, I had to reduce my expectations, and amend the assignment somewhat, which became an encore of the scene story assignment that would hopefully go a little farther and deeper. But not too far, too deep, and stay within 2,000-2,100 words. I guess if I had the Pollner professorship to do over, I would have pushed the final assignment harder, demanding pitches back in September and progress reports along the way — in addition to the other assignments. The present-day 44-year-old in me would in late August hear “major assignment is due first week of December” and start working on it then and there; but the 21-year-old me would never have planned that far ahead. I should have remembered that.

Nevertheless, I am not disappointed in this crop of stories. Mostly because this was not a longform narrative magazine-writing class. This was a class about thinking fast and smart; reporting the facts and writing with analysis; and, most of all, filing clean and often. Although we admired and discussed many articles by writers who had months and thousands of words to reach for perfection, I know for certain that the surest path to that kind of work comes from a mastery of the deadline grind. These stories all had the distinct flavor of the rush-job. None achieved greatness, but we do have some that were certainly headed there.

Here are excerpts from five of the best — and the reasons why I thought so. (These excerpts are reprinted as they were filed to me, with none of my editing marks.)

• • •

Brooks Johnson wanted to do a profile of a popular country-western cover band. Initially he wanted to explore the idea of popular mediocrity through the measured success of the Copper Mountain Band, and he also used the opportunity to write about Missoula’s only (!) country bar, the Sunrise Saloon. And, like a good reporter, he came away with a different set of impressions than the ones he had going in — especially when it came to the true artistry involved in giving the people what they want while managing your own dreams of stardom:

The band takes the stage on yet another Saturday at 9:30 p.m. and thanks the crowd at the Sunrise Saloon for at least the hundredth time. Izzi and Nate pick up their stringed moneymakers and play with their pedals while Jacque gives some hand-fluffed volume to her blonde hair. The cousins wear black cowboy hats and Nate’s plaid-covered arm occasionally covers his bass while he tunes it.

The Copper Mountain Band opens with the energy of a Budweiser cracked after an hour in a paint-shaker. All over the stage, the young family band never gets bored and neither does their spritely audience. They go through the modern hits and a few originals before the surprising “Take it Easy” cover comes on.

Izzi says country fans, while loyal, don’t just want to hear country. They especially don’t want to see some stranger up on stage. They want to see the hats, the boots and feel respected in how they live their own lives. They want to see their cowboy neighbors, but a lot of the time they want to hear rock.

“If you only like country music, you’re probably an idiot,” Izzi says. “Nobody, myself included, wants to go to a club and hear the same singer and the same type of songs for four hours. Nobody has that kind of patience unless they’re your mother or something.”

Nobody on the dance floor bats an eye between all the country songs, old rock hits and originals like “Beers and Beers Ago.” Heel-toe-heel-toe they go, the motion of old and young never slowing no matter the number of beers flowing.

“People in New York and Nashville aren’t really going to relate, but we really don’t care,” Jacque says. “They should like this because this is the real cowboy shit here in Montana. This is really what we do.”

• • •

Heather Jurva wrote about the weekly open-session Irish music night at Sean Kelly’s pub. What I wanted students to notice here was Heather’s sense of control. She knows her story is no great shakes, but she went deep into the very American allure of being and seeming and aping Irishness. The writing is everything here. One of the great lessons all journalists — especially feature writers — need to learn is how to weave gold from straw (boring stories, boring scenes) without contorting the facts. It’s all about tone and writing.

It’s an old-style Irish pub, and the lights are low. A dozen older musicians – mainly men – sit just below the stage in a half moon of metal patio-esque chairs, plucking fiddles and banjos and mandolins. They are wearing sweaters, mostly, and polo tees and floppy-topped golf hats in greys and greens.

One man tootles a tiny black flute, testing the notes, then launches into an undulating line of trills. Another man, across the circle from the first, pulls a hand drum from what looks like a hat box. He thumps it, then listens, thumps, listens, thumps again and turns a key which tightens the head of the drum. The tone changes slightly, bringing the drum into line with the rest of the group.

Two young men in basketball shorts walk in the door opposite the stage.

They instantly walk back out.

It’s Open Session night at Sean Kelly’s in Missoula, Montana, and it draws a very specific kind of crowd: pressed and tweedy professionals who cut loose with a pint and a lilting tune. Nothing here seems to draw the typical Missoula scenesters, trendy collegiates who drink only PBR and drop the bass. Even the bartenders look bored, clearly waiting for the real party to start.

[snip ...]

“Kevin is probably the most Irish among us. He’s even got an Irish name,” Steve says. “He’s got dual citizenship.”

One or two of the others claim Irish heritage. None of the others can trace their line back to the Old Country, and very few have set foot on Irish soil. But they all love the music, and for tonight that’s enough. Missoula loves the Irish. All of western Montana loves the Irish. The nation loves the Irish, despite the masses who have no direct bloodline or history of travel.

But it doesn’t even matter. For those who are in love with an idea, it has nothing to do with the genetic code or stamps in a passport book.

“A lot of us, we think in terms of DNA, ya know… The thing about culture though, it doesn’t come down to DNA. It comes down to soul. It functions, in a sense, like glue that holds people together.”

• • •

Levi Hunt went off to the Found Footage Festival at the Wilma Theater, a touring show that collects old VHS training tapes, educational programs and other VHS-only oddities, and repurposes them into an awkwardly hilarious compilation. Not only did Levi capture the flavor of the show and interview the two guys behind it, he went deep on the brief lifespan of VHS technology, how it affected those who are old enough to remember videotapes, and how it comes across to those who aren’t.

Levi also managed to do something that looks easy, but is rather difficult: explaining something on the screen and making it as funny as seeing it in person. Like this:

One of the first videos of the night shows a group of maybe six adults who sit in a circle of patio chairs, surrounding a woman writing on a large poster-sized sheet of paper for the room to see.

“What’s another name for a penis?” the woman on the grainy video asks.

“Prick”, one of the men on patio chairs responds.

She writes that word right under “penis” on the board. “Good, what else?”

“Peter.”

“Rod.”

“Dick!”

Now it’s not just the group on the video responding to her question but seemingly the entirety of the viewers who are assembled in the main theater at the Wilma.  It doesn’t matter that the Wilma’s theater goers are about thirty years too late to respond to the lady on the video’s questions, they decide to helpfully throw out more suggestions for her anyway.

“Meat!”

“Ding dong!”

“Weiner!”

(This goes on for awhile)

“Okay, that’s good thank you.”

The Wilma-goers raise their drinks and cheer.  Good job by them.

“All together now,” the teacher on the video says as she points back to the first word written down on the paper.

In unison those in the Wilma in 2012 and those people on the video, pre-recorded some thirty years ago, do as commanded.

“Pe-nis.”  “Prick.”  “Pe-ter”

(This too, goes on for awhile) …

• • •

Cody Blum rode along late into the night with one of the drivers who started UCallus, a Missoula cab service that only accepts donations instead of fares, thereby circumventing taxi regulations, but opening a world of possibilities (good, bad and weird) in terms of passengers, who pay whatever they feel like paying. (A few pennies? A $100 bill?) This story showed how important it is to invest time, sit still, and just observe:

The first guy we picked up was huddled under a street lamp on a dark street I’d never been on. He wore torn blue jeans, a black leather jacket, a black beanie, and a backpack that sagged from his pale, skinny frame. He had the kind of headphones that wrap around the back of your head and up over the ears, the popular design in the nineties. The man looked a little sketchy, but when Mike Grafft eased the Buick Roadmaster with a barely functional transmission up to the curb and greeted the man through the passenger window, there were no worries in sight. Grafft is the most established, most experienced cab driver in Missoula, and according to his calculations, he’s driven over 1,000,000 miles transporting drunks, early morning airline commuters, businessmen, and sketchy anomaly characters like this one through Missoula’s confusing streets in his 20 plus years of driving. He hasn’t scratched a car yet.

The guy wanted to go to the Thunderbird Motel.

“You got it, bud,” Grafft said cheerily as he eased the Roadmaster out of first gear with a disconcerting tremor. Then he made light-hearted small talk, and the man in black reciprocated willingly like he hadn’t been treated this well in ages.

Grafft was the longest running driver at Yellow Cab, and now he’s the longest running driver at UCallus, a relatively new non-profit service in Missoula.  They got started on Oct. 1 of last year, and their aim is simple: get drunken bar occupants home, safe. They don’t reference themselves as a cab operation, rather they’re a designated driving service. The whole thing runs on donations, which leaves every cab-ride open to the possibility that the rider will take it for free. At the end of the ride, it’s up to you how much to give the driver. If you don’t have money, the hope is you’ll make it up next time. It’s all based on trust.

“Free is the four letter F-word to me,” Kevin Sandberg said. He’s the founder of UCallus. “Somehow we got slammed into that ‘free way home category.”

• • •

Finally, Patrick Record, a photojournalism major, invested a lot of time looking into and thinking about the black-and-white framed portraits that hang in Charlie B’s, a popular working-class waterin’ hole in downtown Missoula. The portraits are the work of Lee Nye, who took them of the bar’s regulars decades ago. These are a much beloved part of Missoula’s vast drinking lore. The pictures and the bar are something everyone here knows a little about. Patrick went deeper and gave some nuance to what the pictures mean to Missoula. He interviewed Nye’s widow and the bar’s current owner. There’s a real sense of how the past is present, including the art of hanging out with the men and women who currently spend a great deal of time in the time and might have, in another time, merited a photo on the wall…

Belangie-Nye is currently working on putting a book together consisting of the collections. At her home in Lolo, Mont., stashed away in a corner of her office, she pulls out a DVD with two interviews of Nye. Sitting in a chair wearing a cowboy hat, Nye answers questions from Belangie-Nye about his collections.

When it came to taking the photographs there was a criteria that had to be met. They had to be a regular at Eddie’s, and have a good face. Belangie-Nye recalls Nye saying they had to have a “Montana face.” Basically meaning they had to be blue-collar workers: lumber jacks, railroaders and people of the like. Using a Roloflex two and a quarter camera, they were always done in the alley behind Charlie’s during the morning hours – “that’s when the light was the best,” Nye says. A gray corduroy backdrop was put up and it wasn’t uncommon for Nye to give his subjects his own red and black plaid jacket to wear for the picture. He did this for the contrast the red creates in black and white pictures.

Nye took great pride in his portraits, and truly believed his subjects really had to have the face to be photographed. He really felt strongly about this with the Native Americans. Nye believed the strong facial Native American features were being lost as generations grew bigger and bigger.

“I don’t think this face can be created again,” Nye says as he hold up the portrait of Joe Malatare, a Native American who is frozen in time while he lights a cigarette and smoke floats in front of his glassy eyes as they look to the sky.

Nye remembered things about each person he photographed, and recalls the memories as he goes through the photographs.

“This is Roy Davis, he played the accordion”

“Oh, this is ‘Honk.’ We called him that because of his cucumber on his head,” referring to the man’s big nose.

“Sylvester, he was a cowboy out of Wyoming. He was full of shit most of the time.”

He could have gone for hours.

*          *          *

It’s 9:43 a.m. Tuesday, Nov. 20, and Charlie is wearing a tan shirt, jeans and black suspenders, standing behind the bar cleaning up and organizing a few things as his bartender serves drinks. Sitting at the bar there’s six older gentleman, each of them with a draught and a small stack of cash in front of them.

Charlie turns around and holds up a cardboard poster tube, still sealed with postage tape. He looks at two of his customers as if they were just ordinary old friends and tells them he’s supposed to hang the poster because it has the state’s laws for bartenders. After a small chuckle, he spins right back around and stands it on its end behind the television.

“Here come the glasses,” the bartender says as a UPS deliveryman wheels in four large boxes. Charlie gets up and leaves to show the deliveryman where they go.

Soon after a man walks in holding a credit card and asks the bartender if he can use the phone and she slides it over. The man dials a number and after several failed attempts asks the bartender if he needs to dial nine first.

The guy sitting at the bar with a draught interjects, “It has to be a local call.”

“It’s a 1-800 number” the man replies.

“No, Charlie has restrictions up the ying-yang with that,” he tells the man as if he’s had to explain this to someone once or twice before.

Just before noon in walks a gentleman with long gray hair. He sits down at the bar and the bartender already knows what he wants, a screwdriver.

Patrick Smith, now 56, was the youngest to be photographed by Nye for the Charlie’s collection.  It was 1974 and Smith was 23 with long blonde hair, and working construction. His picture is located behind the Fat Tire bicycle on top of the poker machines.

“I had just back from running the running the Grand Canyon. I talked him into it,” Smith recalls. “[Nye] sat you in there, made you look up or down and then you were done. It happened fairly quickly.”

• • •

So there we have it. I turned in Jour494′s final grades Friday afternoon. This week I’ll pack up my car and go. There was a great vibe on the ghostly, gray campus Friday, a feeling I had all but forgotten about: When you’re a student in college and finals are over but you haven’t left for home yet. The power naps, the extra cash in your pocket from selling back all those textbooks, the warmth of crowded bars. The feeling of having crashed ashore and survived.

I’ll be back this week with a FURTHER READING LIST and a farewell to Montana. It’s hard to go.

Wednesday was our last official class, which I set aside for just general gabbing and pre-goodbyes. Any questions? Any advice I can give? Anything?

I was prepared to just tell them what a real joy it’s been to be here in Montana and work with them, and, once that was done, let class out early — especially for those still sweating the 5 p.m. deadline for their final stories.

It turns out we had plenty to talk about for the whole 80 minutes.

But before I forget:

Our “final exam” is a group critique of the final stories. Reading copies are now available for pick-up at my office. The final critique is Thursday, Dec. 13, 8 a.m. to 10 a.m.

Unfortunately, the 8 a.m. part is not a typo, so set your alarms; I’ll bring frosted breakfast baked goodies for the class. You guys bring your own caffeine or whatever it takes to get the juices flowing. Come “loaded for bear,” as my father used to say: Mark up those stories and let your classmates hear what you truly thought. Enough of this “I really liked this, and, uhhhh, ermmm …” stuff. Get in there. We’ll all kiss and make up when it’s over.

The stories did come in — all but one made it before deadline. I’m diving in this weekend to begin grading. This assignment, which is sort of a hybrid between a long narrative and a scene story, counts for 30 percent of your writing grade; you do the math. (And rest assured, I’ll do the math too. I’m excited to turn in grades!)

Once again we’ve got a range of subjects, perhaps not as broad or original as I’d once dreamed they would be, but nevertheless: a flower shop, a holiday craft fair, a record store, a tanning salon, a free-ride cab service, a country cover band, bingo night, open-session night, a poetry group, the hot springs, the Old Post, Charlie B’s, a holiday tea party for little girls, an upcycling thrift shop, a “found footage” film fest, and people still nursing a Dance Dance Revolution jones. Either this all sounds exciting or it doesn’t. We shall see. I’ll post highlights and excerpts next week, once it’s all over.

So now what? What are you going to do with the rest of your lives? We talked some about that.

When it comes to the future of journalism (and actual jobs in the field), I’ve got no insight that is any more prescient or helpful than anybody else’s big picture. A lot of times, people my age and older tell today’s college students that there’s never been a more exciting time to be entering the field. We say that because we honestly do see some potential opportunities that we never had. Some of us recall how many times we heard that our journalism dreams were “at least 10 years of hard news experience” out of our reach, which is the last thing you want to hear as an eager 22-year-old.

To us (almost) old farts, the new media platforms are exciting, so long as you can set aside the small matter of a paycheck. So much bullshit has been done away with. It feels like opportunity.

But we’re also lying, too. It was never easy to get a job at a newspaper, but they were also pretty freakin’ great places to work. Back then (whenever — the ’70s, the ’80s, the ’90s; five years ago) was also an exciting time to be entering the field. We had a blast.

And you will too. It’s a different sort of blast. Life is long and so are careers. Stop waiting for the renaissance to work itself out — I’ve already told you that I don’t think that even our grandchildren will figure out the perfect business model for media. Shouldn’t it take at least a century for us to completely dismantle and reinvent six centuries of the printed word? So hang on and fight on.

Some good news:

I’m a lousy prophet, but I do predict that we will all live to see a resurgence in quality journalism that employers pay good money to produce and readers pay good money to read/view, only we’ll be working for smaller audiences who have been rediscovered by a whole new version of what we now call “advertisers.”

We’ll have to let go of some of our most beloved concepts and objects (“the morning newspaper,” e.g., or “the new issue of Vanity Fair,” and things like “layouts,” or “book jackets”). First we’ll see a resurgence in accountability and investigative journalism, and shortly behind it will come a discovery of good feature writing. This will be annoying to those of us old enough to remember “New Journalism” and the era that came after it; the prose aspects of tomorrow’s feature writing, presented to us as innovation, will seem very much like an act of reinventing the wheel. When it cycles back around, I hope you’ll remember all the great stuff we read in this class. You will recognize its characteristics and see how this sort of work — cultural analysis, narrative, longform, shortform, empathetic and funny — has evolved.

Come visit me in the nursing home and we’ll talk about it.

PS: I’ll update the Jour494 portion of this blog a couple times more before I leave Montana — including a “further reading” list of all the stories and books I wanted to discuss with you, that I hope you’ll have time to read someday. Maybe long after graduation, when you’re feeling nostalgic about room 301.

PS 2: One last thing. For the love of pete, stop putting two spaces after a period. You know who you are. Do this for the editors and web producers you’re going to work for in this, the 21st century. Farhad Manjoo is here to tell you why. Two spaces after a period has outlived its typewriter-era purpose. I don’t care what your English teachers said. (Mine said it too. So did my 9th-grade typing teacher. They were right then, but they’re wrong now.)

Continuing my end-of-semester metaphor — this is what it’s like:

Today, however, we turned our attention to the criticism/reviews that students filed this semester. The TV recappers — Heather Jurva, Levi Hunt, Caitlyn Walsh — had to file five, 500-word recaps of consecutive episodes, and did so quite ably. Levi nitpicked “The Walking Dead,” even as he praised it; Caitlyn hilariously broke down this extra-loony season of “Dexter”; and Heather called “American Horror Story” on its own BS and took it to task for being such a mess this season.

We moved on to the reviews: Three “Lincoln” reviews, plus “Red Dawn,” “Looper,” “Trouble with the Curve,” “Rise of the Guardians” and “Life of Pi.”

Albums? Yes — Mumford & Sons, Taylor Swift, Philip Phillips, Lupe Fiasco and the Evens.

The rest? An art exhibit called “Evanescent”; a novel called “Storm Dancer”; the Pearl Jam concert to get votes for Montana Sen. Jon Tester; Bill O’Reilly’s “Killing Kennedy” and, last but not least, an energetic review of “Borderlands 2,” a video game, from Tom Holm.

That’s just a sampling of what was turned in on Oct. 3 and Nov. 26. The reviews were okay — and I gave full credit to students for turning them in — but only two or three truly stood out. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Writing reviews is hard, hard work. It’s one of those jobs that looks a whole lot easier than it is. Still, I encourage everyone to keep honing their critical skills. In one way or another, you’re going to need it — maybe not as a paid cultural critic, but certainly in this crazy-mixed-up world we live in, with its Yelp!-style consumer reviews, etc. Having an articulate, meaningful opinion is the currency in this culture, whether you’re in the pages of the New Yorker or trying to explain your reaction to a presentation in a business meeting. Abstractions (“it was good”; “that was awesome”) are more empty than ever. People get ahead now by being sharp and by keeping up.

For Wednesday, Dec. 5: Our last class. Bring Kleenex. But most of all, file your final assignment no later than 5 p.m.

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